The truth of the matter is no one tells you what it looks like to settle.
Maybe that’s because most people feel unsure about what it looks like.
You think you might be settling, but also, what if this is all there is? I sat across the table from a friend years ago as she contemplated the question of settling with a sparkly diamond lodged between middle and pinky finger.
As soon as the waiter left us alone, she asked me, “What do you think it means to settle? ” It was the first time anyone had asked me point blank.
We’ve embraced assortative mating with our equals, both professionally and in education, meaning relationships are purely by choice and for love — a very new phenomenon in the entire scheme of history.
With increasing “options” in the dating landscape, we’re also delaying marriage and kids in favor of playing life’s great field, frequently to gather data and solidify what we’re looking for.
I got over the pressure to find a relationship somewhere in the middle of writing my book last year.
Another such friend called me many months into her relationship, crying on the way home from a canoe trip because she felt so “disconnected” from her boyfriend (they are still together).